Wednesday, August 26, 2009
The Idiot Tax
Before we get too deep into the blog I have to admit it's not one of my most original ideas. In fact, it's not original at all. Like Jeff Foxworthy's line, "You must be a redneck if...." You must be an idiot if.....well, you can fill in your own blanks.
In fact, there is a very interesting website where you can make deposits that will be donated to charity for being an idiot. The ultimate idiot tax is a found at www.idiottax.info.
I, on occasions of utter disgust, forget my Unity through Diversity pledge and become a collector of the Idiot Tax.
Two of my most recent collections happened fairly recently.
Last week traveling back from Indy to home, I stopped at a McDonald's to get a cup of coffee and a bottled water. There was a long line to one check out because the manager in her infinite wisdom decided to shut down the others to count money because they were so busy. This left the one open register maned by a new employee who had the blank stare of a drug induced zombie and the intelligence to match. After repeating my order three times (that's a coffee with cream and sugar and a bottled water) she finally got it entered right. She gave me my water, which I moved to the side with me while I waited on my coffee. Well, she forgot to get my coffee, so I had to remind her after she struggled with the next poor saps order. She looked down at the register and reviewed the order, forgot she gave me my water already, and gave me another one. While she went to get my coffee, which she needed two peoples help to accomplish, I decided that the extra bottle of water was a fitting collection of the idiot tax.
Another happened at Lollapalooza. While waiting for the Toxic Airborne Event to come out for their set, two teen age boys spread their mat on the ground next to us. One of them reached into his pocket to get his cell phone to start texting. As he pulled the phone out $40 fell out of his pocket and started to blow away in the wind. I stomped my foot down on the money, which got his attention, and then handed it back to him. He didn't thank me, and actually looked a little pissed. Then, he pulled out three Red Bulls and downed them for a cheap caffeine buzz before the show. Instead of keeping the cans to throw away later, or making the 30 foot walk to the nearest collection box, he shoves the cans in his forehead and crushed them, yells and throws them into the crowd as trash while laughing like the bully in the classic film The Christmas Story. He then pulls out his cell phone again. Again, the $40 comes flying out of his pocket. This time I kept the money and donated it to the Green Zone area after the set. One of my better collections of the idiot tax.
So, the next time you're thinking about being an idiot, beware of the idiot tax collectors who surround you!
Sir Hook the Tax Man of Warrick