We have been stuck in our house since Thursday afternoon with orders not to leave or if we do drive, don't expect help when you slide off the mountain. This decree came after a tow truck slid off the road while trying to pull a Lincoln Navigator back onto the road. This was on Friday, after there had already been 42 wrecks.
So out of desperation for something to do, we decided yesterday to clean out the freezer. It's something we try to do every year. After just now reading the excellent blog on procrastination, we are now calling this event our New Year's Day freezer cleanout. The way we do it is kind of like pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey, only it's more of a "hit-the-wildlife-in-the-head-with-an-iced-over-congealed-frozen-mass-that-can't-be-identified-without-DNA-testing." This year, with the arctic blast upon us, our project kills, well, two squirrels with one chunk. We not only clean out the freezer but also feed whatever starving animal we don't kill by hitting in the head. By the way, to answer, does a deer falling in the woods make a sound? I'm afraid so.
You would think by all this we had six feet of snow. Well, I'm a little embarrassed to say that our lives came to a grinding halt over one inch of snow. How much of a wimp are we? David Sorenson, a boater in Minnesota, has come up with a scale to answer the question of how cold is it.
60 above zero: Floridians turn on the heat. Minnesotans plant a garden.
50 above zero: Californians shiver uncontrollably. People are sunbathing in Duluth.
40 above zero: Import cars won't start. Minnesotans drive with the sunroof open.
32 above zero: Distilled water freezes. Water in Duluth harbor gets thicker.
20 above zero: New Mexicans don longjohns, parkas, wool hats and mittens. Minnesotans sailors throw on a flannel shirt.
15 above zero: New York landlords finally turn on the heat. Minnesota boaters have one last cookout on the dock before it gets cold.
zero: People in Miami all die. Minnesota boat owners close the windows of the pilot house.
10 below zero: Californians fly to Mexico. Minnesota boaters get out their winter coats.
25 below zero: Hollywood disintegrates. Girl Scouts in Minnesota are still selling cookies door to door.
40 below zero: Washington, DC runs out of hot air. People in Minnesota let their dogs sleep indoors.
100 bellow zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Minnesota boaters get upset because the boat won't start.
460 below zero: ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin Scale). People in Minnesota are heard to say, "Cold 'nuff fer ya?"
500 below zero: Hell freezes over. Minnesota schools open 2 hours late.
Oh, and schools are closed here in Georgia again tomorrow...
Sir Lance of cabin fever